Over the past couple years running Bookish Brews, I’ve gotten more and more comfortable attending book events around LA and it’s taught me how the world of books is so much bigger than just simply the books. The way that people are able to connect through books is a truly special bond, unlike any other. When we’re alone with a book, we allow ourselves to be more vulnerable than we are with others. And as people, when we have a shared vulnerability, we’re able to connect with each other on a deeper level.

I’ve met so many incredible and dear friends in my time here, and one of them is J.L. Comes, who constantly reminds me how special each and every one of these connections are. He always shows everyone the kindness that I believe is so important in building community. So it was only fitting that they’re here with me today to talk about finding, or rather building, your own writing or reading community. I hope you enjoy our chat as much as I did.

Interview with J.L. Comes

Amanda: Welcome to Bookish Brews! I’m so excited to talk to you about building a writing community. But first, can you introduce yourself and tell us about your writing?

J.L. Comes: Hey friend! Thanks so much for having me on Bookish Brews! My pen name is J.L. Comes (friends call me Joey, and only lovers can call me Joseph), I’m nonbinary (I self label with the term Demiboy) and I mostly write Queer Fantasy/SciFi for both Adult and YA audiences, as well as Poetry (which can currently be found in the latest issue of Handbasket Zine, a queer online zine filled with essays, poetry, interviews, and other contributions from fellow queer artists).

Amanda: I’ve always known you’re wonderful at building a writing community, in fact, that’s how we got connected! To get started, I’d love to hear about what it means to you. Can you tell us about why community is so important to you? And especially how it has impacted your life and your writing?

J.L.: Community is everything. I wouldn’t be where I am today without it to be honest. While acknowledging the fact that I am a queer white person with abundant privilege, I still would not have had the opportunities I’ve been blessed to have were it not for all the incredible friendships I’ve made since pursuing traditional publishing for my books back in 2020. I have really incredible friendships that are also mentorships, with authors such as Adam Sass, Emery Lee, and Sonora Reyes, and through them my circle of literary friends, critique partners, fellow querying authors and more has grown immensely, not to mention they’ve all taught me so much and continue to help me be the best version of myself, both personally and professionally. My writing has grown, my introspection has evolved, and both my observational and storytelling skills have leveled up over the years thanks to forming genuine friendships with beautiful souls such as Justine Pucella Winans, Carlyn Greenwald, Terry J. Benton-Walker, Bradford Douglas, and so many other fellow creatives.

Amanda: When and how did you first realize how important it was to build your own writing community?

J.L.: I first realized how important it was when Soni (aka Sonora Reyes) asked me if I wanted to be part of their discord writing group, which introduced me to now beloved friends Justine Pucella Winans, Cara Castro, and Jessica Lewis. Through meeting them, I was allowed to not only share my craft with others who could give me apt advice, but also share in a community that was accepting, loving, and caring from the start, one where I was allowed to be myself and not feel any of the pressures or egos I’d felt in creative writing classes; it was a place where creativity and encouragement could be shared between all of us, and it was very healing for me.

Amanda: If you look up how to build a writing community, many articles will point you toward taking a class or finding a writing group to join. Is this something you’ve done? Is it possible to build a writing community without taking classes?

J.L.: SO I have to say that I had to learn to really put myself out there and just show up at local book events. Not only am I able to support fellow authors by showing up for them in person and buying their books, but I’m also meeting fellow creatives in the wild, and when I’m not being my stereotypical wallflower self, I’m able to make more connections and blossom new friendships with authors, readers, publishing professionals, booksellers, and more, all of which make up this bookish kaleidoscope known as the Publishing Industry, and all of which make it possible for me to feel supported, inspired, and like I can make it another day in life with a book in one hand, a pen in the other, and all of the amazing friends surrounding me and lifting me up because I do the same for them, and will continue to for as long as I exist. 

Amanda: I really love how you mentioned personal growth and reaching outside of your comfort zone. Can you tell me about your challenges in pushing yourself in this way? How did you overcome them? Do you still struggle with getting out of your comfort zone in this respect? 

J.L.: Like I said before, I’m a natural wallflower: a born introvert with people watching skills and observational intelligence thanks to being the incredibly nosy Gemini that I am. It’s been a challenge being an active participant and not a passive one. Anxiety plus ADHD makes me overthink every little interaction, makes me second guess what I’m saying even though I’ve already thought ahead about what to say and what else to say after that or in place of something else in case everything goes wrong. 

I can’t say that I’ve ever “overcome” the challenge of putting myself outside my comfort zone, especially in social situations, because every room and shared space is different from that last (unless my designated comfort friends are there, that helps alleviate pressure for sure). But what I will say is that I do my best every time to push down nerves and lead with kindness, and hope for the best. It if goes well, then gold star! I’ve made a new friend, or connected others by putting them in contact with one another. If it all goes wrong, well, I can always eat or drink about it later. More times than not, it does go well, and the results are absolutely worth the risk.

Amanda: Do you have any advice for anyone who might be worried or uncomfortable to go to an in person book event? How do you bridge the divide between yourself and authors/other book people when you’re already there?

J.L.: My best advice is to go to an event that YOU actually want to go to; if you LOVE that book or that Author, and you want to meet other people that share those same feelings about the Author/book that you do, then that’s the best way to start. You want to make sure you’re comfortable when going somewhere new or if you’re going completely by yourself, so set yourself up for success by going to a book event that you’re personally looking forward to going to. 

As for bridging the divide…that’s tricky. If you’re naturally a people person, it most likely won’t be that hard for you. I will say that I take a more passive approach, which isn’t always helpful, but in the end you usually find your people one way or another. I tend to wear something fun, like a graphic tee or my trusty pin jacket, which helps for starting conversation about topics that I’m passionate about and can lead to friendly chit-chat or even polite debate. I advise everyone to not force anything too much; if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be,

Amanda: You also mentioned you attend a lot of in person book events. How do you find things like that? How do you know what events to go to? 

J.L.: I think the first one I ever went to was one I accidentally stumbled on thanks to Twitter? Because authors/friends I followed shared it. It was for an event at Ripped Bodice, which most people know about now but if not it’s a queer- and sister-owned romance-heavy bookstore with locations in LA and Brooklyn, where both YA and Adult authors have held many book events/panels. The LA location specifically is very cozy and they have quite a few interactive things which help even the most introverted person feel included and open to contributing time and energy (and money) to frequenting an independent bookstore. 

So my overall tip for that would be to follow your favorite authors on Socials, feel free to set your notifications to alerts specific to their pages, and keep an eye out for their next event that might be local to you. There have also been virtual events that have been just as good as in person events, so don’t shy away from those either! As for knowing what events to go to…it’s usually a gut feeling if I’m being honest. Nowadays it helps to know if I’m already going to have friends showing up as well because that always puts me at ease. But as much fun as it is to see friends, make new ones, talk shop, etc, it’s also very important to support the author(s) by purchasing or pre-ordering their books at or prior to the event.

Amanda: Sometimes I think it’s probably easier for you and me to attend in-person events because we live in Los Angeles, where things are happening all the time. But do you have any advice on building a book community for people who may not have many in their area?

J.L.: If you don’t think you have a book community in your area, I would suggest going to your public library first and foremost. I know there are people who think that libraries are “dying out” thanks to funding being cut and everything going on in the world right now, but the library was my first home away from home. Even if you don’t find your people there at first, you can still find a safe haven in the free books (plus abundant resources! Ask your librarian!). And again, any virtual bookstore events can also help build community, or at the very least let you experience a piece of it while you try to find more like-minded people in your immediate area.

Amanda: This is the most important question to me, and I’ve been waiting for this whole interview to ask. How have you grown, both as a writer and as a person, from your effort to build and maintain a writing community in your life? 

J.L.: Oh gosh. Reflection time, okay, let’s go. I think I will always deal with imposter syndrome, which thankfully most writers do and that helps me feel better that I’m not alone in that, but I’m no longer the SUPER timid, SUPER shy, SUPER “I don’t know if I can call myself an author, I don’t think I’m a good writer” person that I used to be back in early 2021. And that’s all completely thanks to the community I have now. 

I have mentors which are also friends, beta readers/critique partners who are friends, bestselling and indie and self-pub friends, authors and actors and illustrators and more who are all friends, people who have continually supported me and encouraged me and shared their experiences with me in order to help me grow and evolve and survive and thrive. 

At the end of the day, whether I end up being a good writer or not, whether I ever get agented or traditionally published or not, whether I get trade reviews or become a bestseller or not, I know that I can count on the genuine friendships I’ve made, the connections that build me up just as much as I build them back up, and continue going forward in my career with my head held high because my main mission is to always help other feel seen, feel heard,  feel wanted, feel accepted, feel like they belong. There are too many people that try to use their name/status/influence to invalidate writers which they deem unfit to be part of the community, and I’m here to do my part in fixing that.

Amanda: Thank you so much for joining us today! Before you head out, is there anything else you’d like to share with Bookish Brews readers? 

J.L.: I know that we continue to live through genuinely unprecedented times, and that the world could genuinely end at any moment, which makes it hard to keep on keeping on and all that, but just know this: we are stronger together. 

Thanks to a recent IG story that Amanda just posted, I’ve been reminded that I’m never truly alone, so long as we all stand together at the end of the day fighting for freedom for all. It was an Audre Lorde quote: “Without community, there is no liberation.” Together, we can change history for the better. We can fight fascism, racism, settler colonies, transphobia, homophobia, and more. We can free Palestine, Sudan, Congo; we can even free ourselves. 

We deserve the life we want to have, not the one handed down to us through centuries of genocide, slavery, white supremacy, and Christian nationalism. I believe in us, and in a better, brighter future. Community will lead us to freedom, to love, and to true acceptance. My motto: Lead with love, live in light, and fight with truth.